A friend posted this picture on Facebook and tagged me. It hit me square in the gut. It reminded me that every day I reach out my hand to a little boy who I love dearly and has broken my heart time and time again.
In March of 2011 I received a phone call about two puppies who showed up and were sleeping in a box on the back porch of my friend's house. I ran over and met the puppies and was in love. They were filthy, stinky and BIG puppies. They couldn't have been more than two months old by the look of their teeth and they looked like they were probably filled to the hilt with worms. In the background, without me knowing, my husband was texting my friend assuring her that we would take the puppies. They were such sweet innocent creatures and I was devastated that they were in such bad shape.
I left the puppies there in the meantime and went home to see if anyone had posted any ads for missing puppies. I somehow got a conscience and called animal control. Sure enough, they had been reported missing. I got the number to the family and sat thinking if I wanted to return them to what had to be a horrible situation for them to be in bad shape when my phone rang with a local number. Low and behold, it was the owners of the puppies and they were purebred mastiff puppies. While the woman was calm and just wanted her puppies back, her other half (I can't deem to call him a human) got on the phone and informed me I would breath my last breath if he didn't get his dogs back that day. Wow, this is what I get for having a conscience obviously. I called animal control back and was livid. First off, they gave my number out and I was NOT in possession of the puppies and now some moron wanted to harm me for his lack of being able to have adequate fencing. Long story short, animal control picked up the puppies. I was beside myself. I had just put two harmless babies in puppy jail.
The next morning my friend and I drove out to the local pound. I was determined to lie through my teeth and claim to be their owner if I had to. I couldn't let them go back to where they came from. I was too late though. The puppies were reclaimed that morning and would more than likely be sold for some crazy amount of money within days. I was standing in the back of the pound where all the dogs were bawling when I met the woman who would end up changing my life forever. Becky was checking to see what dogs were coming up on the PTS list and checking temperaments. Me, not knowing any better told her I was looking for a puppy because I had two cats and wanted something the cats could adjust and learn to live with. She gave me her number and we agreed to meet that Sunday to see her puppies.
I was super excited but still sad that I had no mastiff puppies. I went and met the litter of puppies she had though and wasn't determined to get one but I was interested. There were three of the litter left. One had been adopted, the rest had died at the vet's office. They were found by a parole officer who was going to meet one of his parolees and the pups were in horrible shape. All the puppies looked so different from each other. There was the little brown one who was Abner who looked like a Chihuahua, Baylean who looked like a lab but had black spots all over her white fur, and then Bodean who was all black with a white stripe down his chest and looked like a lab. I was over the moon. Bodean huddled in the back of the wire crate and didn't want to come out but we lifted him out and he was a scared nervous wreck and peed all over the ground as we sat him down.
**I guess that should have been warning enough, but I was blinded by puppy love**
Bodean became Greyson within minutes and we brought him home. This is him the first week we had him home:
We let Greyson learn about us and he housebroke like there was no tomorrow. To say he was smart was an understatement. He did not do well with our cats though. They hated him. (And to this day he still doesn't get treated well by one of them.) When we went to the vet for puppy shots he was a nervous mess. Soon as I walked in the door he would cower and hunker and try to get away. I thought it was the smells of the office as he lived in a vet's office while he was brought back to health and carried him in. He did okay as long as no one moved real fast and everyone was calm. He did not do well when I was out of eye sight of him though. That brought on instant panic mode and he would growl, bark, and snap. Uh oh, the nightmare is beginning!
At home, he was calm and fine. He would play with toys, curl up on the couch and loved attention. His favorite thing to do was curl up on the couch while I worked on creating jewelry. A paw on my leg as if to keep himself grounded. He was my constant companion. I would go somewhere and when I came home he acted like someone had moved the moon for him to be reunited with me. Me, in my ignorance, thought he was a normal puppy. Well, until he started destroying everything he could get his paws and mouth on when I left the house. He couldn't see a crate or be near one without going into instant panic mode. He would run and hide. If you put him in a crate, he would panic and hurt himself to get out.
We went back to the vet office and the vet made a very odd point. Even at 5 months old, he grew a whole whopping inch and a half taller from his first time at the vet's office. He did some blood work and told me he would call me and let me know what was going on but in the meantime he wanted x-rays and wanted to check his joints. I wasn't alarmed...yet.
Then we found out that there is something wrong with this beautiful boy. He won't ever grow. His joints are calcified like an older dog and his life span will probably be much shorter than a normal dog. To say I was upset would be an understatement. Oh and they did a DNA test and sent it to three companies and they came back with the two majority breeds the same...Labrador Retriever and American Staffordshire. But yet he weighed 38 pounds. I have permanent puppy who will always look like a puppy and has a penchant for destroying anything in his path when I'm not around.
He got worse. His mental stability even over a year later is still questionable at times. We've been through obedience training (some did not go as well as others), he has severe anxiety, he gets overloaded with stimuli and will bite, and oh, yeah he doesn't like dogs who are smaller than him and thinks they are a tasty lunch. Yep, I have the puppy from hell!
In January of 2012 I had a dog come into my life who was the perfect pit bull. She was amazing. She had been through hell and I was determined to make sure she had the perfect life. In my house with demon spawn of a dog though, that wasn't meant to be and I had to find her a different home. I was tore up about it. I knew though deep down that Greyson would never find a home that understood him like we do. I see his panic attack beginning and know I need to do something to help him.
Greyson had made me who I am. He's made me a much more understanding human being to dogs in need who have issues. He's taught me that force training and aversion training are not the way to go because I almost taught him to never show when he is panicked. Even now, at 19 months old Greyson has a semi-normal life. He lives with my husband, two cats (who are special needs), a human twelve year old sister, and myself. I maintain a high level of maintenance for him just to keep him calm and functioning and I do that through force-free positive reinforcement training. While he doesn't read signals from other dogs very well I have learned to read the signals and help him. I've learned that even though sometimes with progress there is two steps forward and one step back, there is progress and progress is wonderful!
Because of this little boy who is curled up at my feet right now enjoying the fan blowing on him (even three months ago he couldn't handle that and would act out against the fan) I am determined to make a difference with dogs who through no fault of their own deserve to be understood. Because of Greyson I have the chance to work with those dogs and make an impact in their lives. Without Greyson, I wouldn't be me.